Week 9 Master key

Last week I talked about the “minefield of dreams”, the way the emotions we’re addicted to conspire to take us down as we begin to notice them and loosen their hold on us.  This week I got completely caught in such a land mine, and forgot all the instructions for myself that I wrote down a week ago.  It was a situation where my “reality” matched the land mine perfectly.  The situation was there, it was real, and I reacted to it.  Or was my reaction actually the cause of the landmine?  Was the emotion looking for a way to come forth and instigated the situation? Is “reality”really real leaving us no choice but to be helpless victims?  Or are we looking at a situation of co-created reality where our past, our habitual patterns, and the emotional addictions co-create the moment and we fall for it again and again?

In the same way that we manifest our own minefields, perhaps we can manifest our own openness, our own willingness to “jump off the cliff”, our own love, our own abundance.  I think it takes a gap, a moment of letting go.  I am grateful for the sitting.  Magic happens there.

Because I was finally able to let go, a beautiful Thanksgiving dinner happened.  Old friends, deep conversation, organic wine, and oh yes, delicious food happened in the space of letting go.  I almost didn’t.  But I don’t blame or judge myself for being unable to let go sooner.  I have gratitude for my own journey, and gratitude for the magic of other people.  “I greet this day with love in my heart”.  Pretty cool.

Week 8 Master Key

I can really see things changing now.  My fires to put out list is now on to current things, no more backlog!  As my outer chaos lessens, I can see the inner dynamics much more clearly.  About that fire list, it acted as an excuse to not make calls for my network marketing business.  Now I feel much more on the spot.  About the addiction to certain emotions or mental states – that is becoming much more visible.  I have a certain emotional reaction to particular stimuli which previously might have come up once every few months and take me out for a few days.  Well, it came up 3 times in less than two weeks!  It was frequent enough for me to get very suspicious.  Like the Matrix showing rips or weird patterns in what one took to be reality.  Or a Holodeck program that began to develop glitches, like a character repeating the same sentence twice.  So I began to look on these occurrences as walking through a minefield.  I had to get the instructions clear before the mines went off.  Ok, it’s just a mine in the minefield of dreams, just keep walking.  This particular emotional reaction has taken me down for lifetimes – literally.  And I have spent this lifetime working on myself – clearing old traumatic events, belief systems, years of meditation.  What I had not dealt with were the habitual patterns.  The stuff that I may no longer believe in but it runs me.

“To overcome ego, we have to undo our habitual patterns, which we have been developing for thousands of years, thousands of aeons, up to this point. Such habitual patterns may not have any realistic ground, but nonetheless, we have been accustomed to their dirty work, so to speak. We are used to our habitual patterns and neuroses. We have been used to them for such a long time that we end up believing they are the real thing. To overcome that, we have to see our egolessness, how we can actually overcome our anxiety and pain. In Buddhist terms this is known as liberation, freedom from anxiety, and nirvana, or relief.” ~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche.

And so now I’m saying thank you.  This program is brilliant.

Week 7 Master Key

I’m thinking about my experiences this week and I’m not quite sure what to write.  In general I feel like a molten lava flow; things are hot and churning and burning – but definitely flowing.  I feel more sensitive.  That’s saying a lot – I’m already ridiculously sensitive.  Things are getting done – my fires to put out list is getting shorter (noticing the fire imagery here – note to self – check out Pele).  I have had moments of elation and moments of despair this week.  “Do it now” is cutting through my tendency to procrastinate.  “I can be what I will to be” is cutting through my tendency to sabotage myself in exquisitely subtle ways.

Perhaps this sounds a bit negative.  I am feeling ruthlessly honest right now.  I have to say that Og’s chapter on love is amazingly soothing.  I thought I would feel more cynical about it.  It wraps around me like a blanket of Slippery Elm tea.  “I will greet this day with love in  my heart”.  Oh yay!  let’s do it!  Let’s do use love as our shield!  I do love the night with its stars!  I’m pretty much getting my three times a day in with this one.

That about sums it up for now.  Good night dear friends.

Week 6 Master key

All I can say this week is that this stuff works.  Before I started this program I had a lot of “fires” to put out – many things that I hadn’t done because I felt I had no time and was overwhelmed – things that had gotten urgent or past urgent.  So I made a list of all these “fires”, and have systematically been putting out at least one every day.  “Do it now” is seeping into my system.  I’m realizing that by putting off all the unpleasant things in my life, I’m creating overwhelm.  By “doing it now” I can be more and more present in the moment and reduce my anxiety tremendously.  Since starting this program I’ve caught up on 2 years of taxes, cleaned parts of my house that haven’t been cleaned in years, called or emailed people I had been meaning to contact for a long time, and gotten caught up on bookkeeping (my husband and I have 3 businesses).  I’ve also started a pre-fire list – things that I’ve had a tendency to put off in the past.  Hopefully, as I continue to “do it now” I can avoid having these things hit the fire list.  I have to say I’m sleeping better!