I can really see things changing now. My fires to put out list is now on to current things, no more backlog! As my outer chaos lessens, I can see the inner dynamics much more clearly. About that fire list, it acted as an excuse to not make calls for my network marketing business. Now I feel much more on the spot. About the addiction to certain emotions or mental states – that is becoming much more visible. I have a certain emotional reaction to particular stimuli which previously might have come up once every few months and take me out for a few days. Well, it came up 3 times in less than two weeks! It was frequent enough for me to get very suspicious. Like the Matrix showing rips or weird patterns in what one took to be reality. Or a Holodeck program that began to develop glitches, like a character repeating the same sentence twice. So I began to look on these occurrences as walking through a minefield. I had to get the instructions clear before the mines went off. Ok, it’s just a mine in the minefield of dreams, just keep walking. This particular emotional reaction has taken me down for lifetimes – literally. And I have spent this lifetime working on myself – clearing old traumatic events, belief systems, years of meditation. What I had not dealt with were the habitual patterns. The stuff that I may no longer believe in but it runs me.
“To overcome ego, we have to undo our habitual patterns, which we have been developing for thousands of years, thousands of aeons, up to this point. Such habitual patterns may not have any realistic ground, but nonetheless, we have been accustomed to their dirty work, so to speak. We are used to our habitual patterns and neuroses. We have been used to them for such a long time that we end up believing they are the real thing. To overcome that, we have to see our egolessness, how we can actually overcome our anxiety and pain. In Buddhist terms this is known as liberation, freedom from anxiety, and nirvana, or relief.” ~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche.
And so now I’m saying thank you. This program is brilliant.