Week 10 Master Key

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When you’ve lived the greater part of a lifetime and gotten to know yourself, your foibles, the frustrations you have with yourself, and then you begin to see those things change, it’s pretty darn powerful.  There were things I didn’t think I could do, things I thought I just had to accept about myself.  This week I see changes.  Not huge, outwardly visible changes – I haven’t taken up skydiving nor have I become the queen of network marketing.  But I’ve stopped procrastinating.  I’ve procrastinated since grade school, I’m sure.  My frustration with myself is lessening.  I actually can be what I will to be.

When I was younger I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  I had an infant and a 7 year old, and I didn’t have the energy to give them what I wanted to give them.  I felt like a failure as a mother.  I think I gave up on myself then.  I think I wrote myself off as a failure.  And I feel like I have been reliving that belief ever since.  Perhaps it is long past time for me to forgive myself.  My girls not only survived the experience but are both beautiful, creative women now.  And, I think it will be as healing for them as for me for me to forgive myself now.

That’s all I can say at the moment.

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