Week 22 1/2 Master Key

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Well, we’re in for something different here.  My husband Don and I just got around to celebrating our 36th anniversary tonight with a nice bottle of organic red wine, steak and salad.  I drank maybe half the bottle – 2 years ago I couldn’t even tolerate a sip!  Now after 2 years of i-water I can drink it again. I love red wine – it ignites my passion, my love for life.  I’m afraid I told the story of my life.  the magical story.  I told of the fear and terror and shut down of my childhood.  Not knowing why. How I had buried the memory deep inside me almost immediately after it happened.  I told of my magical trip to Europe and North Africa when I was 20. How I had many adventures and somehow ended up unscathed, even tho I was so very naive.  I talked of the loneliest moment of my life, when a Moroccan bus driver neglected to tell me where to get off the bus to catch the bus to Tangier, and took my to the end of the line, to a little mountain village in hopes of getting me to spend the night with him, and of my rage and insisting that he take me to a pensione, so I could catch the bus to Tangier the next morning at 5:00 a.m.  I talked of alternative states of mind, and how they had always connected me to that sense of being alive, of being in the flow.  I spoke of a moment long ago when I was so fully present to a litter of kittens, barely 3 weeks old, playing and bumbling in the sun.  So fully present that now, 45 years later, I remember it as if it just happened.  All this from drinking wine and listening to music.

What does this have to do with MKMMA?  Not quite sure.  But something to do with awakening to who I really am.  How connected I am to the magical reality of being in the flow, and how I feel bereft when I try to be in conventional reality.  Who am I supposed to be at the age of 65?  Not sure.  However I do know that tonight I am that person, not the one I’m supposed to be, but the one I am.  Ahhhhh!  Life is good!

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